Cannibalism Isn't An Option No Matter How Hungry You Are
by Hayal Kurmak
Summary: Kagura and Sadaharu are hungry and their lazy roommate can't feed them. Who will help them in their time of need?


_Written for OkiKagu month prompt "Roommate"_

* * *

She didn't mind having a roommate.

After all, it wasn't like she was paid much of a salary anyway so she was able to mooch off her boss. Too often though they did not have enough money for food or rent. For years she had gone hungry.

The rent she didn't care about, but the food was a big deal.

Hence why she was at the doors of the Shimuras' dojo.

It was late afternoon, and Shinpachi was at an Otsu concert and Aneue was working. Kagura knew that and yet she came here anyway. Where else was she supposed to go?

"Arf!" Sadaharu sat down beside her. She leaned against him and petted his head.

"I'm hungry too."

They sat there on the doorstep for hours, stomachs growling. The sun had set and their only light was the moon.

The sound of their hunger was interrupted by Sadaharu's growling. Kagura looked up to see a shadow cross the moonlit path before her. Her eyes moved upward until she saw the face of the intruder.

"… Sadist."

"Yo," he put up his hand, and Kagura knew even without clearly seeing his face that he his expression was, well, expressionless.

"What are _you_ doing here?"

"I should be asking you that. I'm the police and I have to patrol to protect our citizens. You're illegally trespassing."

She huffed. "A sorry kind of policemen you are, yup. And you aren't supposed to go one other people's property without permission either."

"Yeah, _uh-huh_?" he mocked. "And on what grounds do you base your reasoning?"

"You're not even capable of reasoning. You're dumb, uh-huh."

Sadaharu barked in agreement.

A weight on her foot caused her to fall back. "Hey!"

"You better be nice to me, China. I can have you thrown in the slammer," he said in a dull tone.

She kicked his shin and he fell to the ground in front of her. "_You_ better be nice or I'll kill you, yessir."

Sougo rolled onto his back and coughed. "Geez, can't even get a little peace here. Anyway, have you seen Kondo?"

She tilted her head. "Does it look like I'm Aneue? Or that I live here? Why would I know were your stalker Gorilla is?"

"Gee, don't have to be so sarcastic. Was just a simple question," he said, looking up at the sky.

"Arf!"

"No, we haven't seen the gorilla. Aneue is working so he is likely there," Kagura said, leaning her head against her dog.

"Ah. Guess I should go there then." Sougo stood up to leave, but didn't step away.

Kagura raised her eyebrows. "Go on then before the vampires come out and suck your blood. They need sadism in their bloodline because all the vampires these days are too soft."

"What?" He shook his head. "Vampires can be whatever the heck they want to be, we can't chose how they are."

"They ought to mean to humans, yup."

"… whatever," he shrugged, yet still did not move.

"What? Leave already," she said, glaring at him.

"I gotta find out why you're trespassing, remember?"

The moon was fully out now and Kagura could see his face better. As she expected, there was no expression. She wished he would leave already. Her hunger pangs were intensifying and she was on the verge of becoming a zombie.

"Raaaaaaayaaaaa…."

"What the heck is wrong with you," Sougo asked, taking a step back.

"I'm huungrrryy, my roommate can't feed me and now I feel like eating anything…" she whined.

He pointed at the massive white fur ball beside her. "There's something right there."

"Well he _is_ cute but no, I'm not eating my puppy."

Sadaharu whimpered and barked in gratitude.

Sougo grinned. "You're saying you want to eat cute things? Sorry, I'm not available for dinner."

Kagura hit him with her umbrella. "Stupid, why would I eat you? Or even think you were such a thing? Turn into Ike and I may reconsider."

"Since when were you into pop bands? Particularly the one that does this anime's season six opening song?"

"Since they tasted good, yessir."

"I think you meant since they sounded good."

"Arf!"

"… if you're hungry, just break in and eat the food in the dojo. I'm sure the unidentified substance that always makes Kondo ill will be perfect for you. And then I can arrest you for breaking and entering." Sougo gestured to the door.

"… right. Why'd I even come here? Her food would kill me, yup." Kagura and Sadaharu stood up and she leapt on his back. "I don't quite know what to do then."

"Why isn't Danna feeding you?" Sougo asked. If the boss wasn't doing his part, then the whole town could be in trouble from the Yato's bottomless pit called a stomach.

"Because he won't give me any money, and he won't buy me any food," she pouted, patting the sides of her pet.

"Maybe I should report _him_ because of neglect of children. Hungry children mean stolen food from upright citizens in this community," he said.

"Don't you dare touch Gin-chan or I'll rip out your infections and wrap them around your bed."

"I think you mean intestines. And you aren't going anywhere near my bed," he said. "Unless you're planning to bend to my will."

Kagura scoffed. "I ain't bending nowhere, yup." Her stomach growled again. "Ugh…"

The sadist sighed and stood in front of her and the dog. "C'mon. I'll feed you. There's plenty of dog food at the Shinsengumi station; everyone was so excited when that monster pet of yours brought in a puppy that they all went out and bought a ton of it."

"I don't want to eat dog food!"

"Arf!"

"What choice do you have, China?" he smirked, leading the way out the dojo with the large dog happily following him. "You're hungry, right?"

"Yeah?! Well I'd rather eat you, yup! Hahaha!" she exclaimed, thinking that he could not retort to that insult.

He stopped abruptly and turned around, a gleam in his eyes. "Oh? Really now." Quickly, so she did not have time to react, he pulled her down from Sadaharu's back and pinned her to the ground.

"Arf!"

"Go on, dog, the food's just waiting for you," Sougo said calmly.

Sadaharu looked briefly at his owner and then ran off toward the Shinsengumi compound.

"Sadaharu! How could you desert me!" cried out Kagura, but was immediately silenced by a hand on her mouth.

"Time to eat," he grinned, leaning down to her neck.

Kagura grunted and lifted up her leg to knee him where it really hurts.

"Not unless you become my roommate, uh-huh!" she yelled, pointing a finger at him.

Holding himself in pain, Sougo looked up and managed to still grin at her. "Is that a proposal, China?"

"What? I don't know what you mean, but you can't do anything with me until you feed me, yup!"

He stood up shakily and straightened his shoulders. "Really? Well then, let's go."

"Huh?"

Reaching down, Sougo took her hand and pulled her up. "Let's go get something to eat, and then you'll be my roommate, right? You're of age now."

Kagura shook his hand off and crossed her arms. "If it includes food them I'm all in, yessiree."

Sougo chuckled as she walked ahead of him. He caught up with her and poked her with his sword, leading them toward the town.

"Too easy, China girl. Way too easy."


End file.
